i hate my life right now. stress. pure stress. lsast year of school is almost over. exams over exams and i feel like i know not a single thing i should have learned in the past three years-.-
it just freaks me out so much, i feel so useless and incapable and trhings are kind of going down with my boy... we have no time for us and my friends freak out because we can't meet and waaaah! Plus: i'm doing my driver's license. guess i'm stressing myself, but i can't help it. i'm crying a lot the last time.....which might be a side effect of the 2 months in a row raining and snowing which in my opinion enhance my depression but what do i know :)
gotta sleep now, biologie tomorrow and i don't know a single thing. "good night"
i had a huge break down last weekend. but i'll start with friday. went bowling with my boyfriend and a befriended couple. was fun and we won a coup of 1.5 liter long island ice tea. the boys drank it and were absolutely drunk. both purged and us girls had to carry them home xD then on saturday, we went to party in our favourite bar. i wasn't really drunk but a bit tipsy. when my boyfriend and me got home i broke down. i don't know why but suddenly i felt so horrible and told him how depressed i always am and whats going on in my mind, that most of the time i want to go away or to die and that i am hurting myself. i actually haven't done it for a while but the last 2 months, something's going down again and i cutted again.i told him about how horrible i feel in my family, and that my parents know about my problems but that somehow i am the only one who doesn't have a therapist. whatever, i guess he's gonna quit me, because this wasn't the first time something like this happened, but i never told him all that stuff. i still want to die and the last 2 day were just crying. he behaves shitty somehow, rejecting. today at school, he just came up and said hi and directly wnet back to his friends. i don't even know if i'm gonna see him today. whatever, i'm gonna get over. my eating habbits get better and i actually lost 3 pounds or so since the last time i stepped on my scale.
but i can't feel it right now. well i thord that i was doing well but i just wanna cry now.
how i hate my life right now. i just want to go, spend some days away with my boy. i don't know what's wrong again, i feel ugly, stupid and so god damn useless :( school fucks me up, i have no energy left to get up every morning and spent 7 or even 9 hours there, when i come home i fall asleep. fuck it. and my boy rather goes playing pool tonight then spend an hour with me. okay...
baba </3
i gotta show you a pic of me someday, i swear this girls face could be mine
i love my boy <3 really, call me whore but after that little one night stand our relationship works better than ever. gotta go to school now, i'm bored and don't want to....have been drunk last night :) i know...what ever :)
I have.... [x] been drunk. [x] smoked pot. [ ] done ecstasy. [ ] done coke. [ ] done crack. [ ] done heroin. [ ] done opium. [ ] done PCP. [ ] done LSD. [ ] done CCC's. [ ] done prescription narcotics for recreational purposes. [ ] huffed air-duster. [ ] been to a rave. [x] been to a real party. [x] kissed someone. [ ] ridden in a taxi. [ ] jumped a ramp with a bike. [ ] been dumped. [x] been used. [x] shoplifted. [x] ran from the cops. [x] been in a room of your school that you could get suspended for being in [ ] been fired. [ ] been kicked out of a movie theater. [x] snuck into a movie. [x] been in a fist fight. [ ] got hit by a car. [x] fired a real gun. [x] snuck out of your parent's house. [ ] been arrested. [x] gone in a mosh pit. [x] stolen something from your school. [ ] celebrated new years in times square. [ ] gone on a blind date. [x] lied to a friend. [ ] had a crush on a teacher. [ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans. [x] been to europe. [x] skipped school. [x] thrown up from drinking. [x] played 'clue' [x] had a sleepover party. [x] gone ice skating. [x] cheated on a bf/gf. [ ] been cheated on. [x] had your tonsils out. [ ] been exposed to laughing gas. [ ] had a car. [x] driven a car. [ ] Totaled a car.
Do you... [x] feel loved. [ ] feel lonely. [ ] feel happy. [ ] hate yourself. [x] have a dog. [x] have your own room. [x] sing along with your music. [x] dance around the house in your underwear. [ ] listen to Hawaiian Music. [ ] listen to underground hip hop. [ ] listen to rap. [x] listen to classic rock. [x] listen to new rock. [ ] listen to country. [x] listen to reggae. [ ] listen to techno. [ ] listen to hardcore punk. [x] listen to pop. [ ] listen to r&b. [ ] listen to jazz. [ ] listen to crooners. [x] listen to bands that can't be put into a category. [x] have hobbies. [ ] skateboard. [ ] do aggressive inline. [ ] snowboard. [ ] ski. [ ] surf. [ ] skim board. [x] have more than 1 best friend. [x] get good grades. [ ] play an instrument. [x] have slippers [x] wear boxers [x] wear black eyeliner. [x] like the color blue. [ ] like the color pink. [ ] like the color red [x] like the color green [x] like the color black [ ] like the color purple [ ] like neon colors [x] like to read. [x] like to write. [x] have long hair. [ ] have short hair. [x] have a laptop. [ ] have a pager.
Are you... [x] bored. [ ] happy. [ ] bilingual. [ ] Hawaiian. [x] blonde [ ] a brunette [ ] a redhead [ ] a darkhead (black hair) [ ] Samoan. [ ] Filipino. [ ] Korean. [ ] British. [x] white. [ ] Italian [ ] Black. [ ] Inuit [ ] Mexican. [ ] Native American [ ] Asian. [x] a Christian [ ] a Muslim [ ] a Jew [ ] a Hindu [ ] a scientologist [ ] an atheist [ ] satanist [ ] short. [x] tall [ ] just right [x] realistic [ ] an emo kid [x] sick [ ] mad [x] lazy. [ ] talking to someone. [ ] IMing someone. [x] scared to die. [ ] buzzed [ ] high [ ] caffeinated [x] sleepy. [ ] annoyed. [ ] hungry. [x] thirsty. [ ] on the phone. [x] in your room. [ ] drinking something. [ ] eating something. [ ] ticklish. [x] listening to music
SCENE: [ ]I wear a bandanna around my neck, over my mouth or on my wrist. [ ]I wear lots of eye makeup. [ ]I'm a guy but I could be mistaken for a girl. [ ]I'm a girl & I wear bows in my choppy hair. [ ]I pretty much live at local shows. [ ]Band shirts are what fill my closet. [ ]Myspace & DDR are my life. [ ]I cut my own hair. Total: 0
EMO: [ ]Half/all my pictures on myspace are black & white. [ ]I wear ugly thick-rimmed glasses when I don't need to. [ ]Cutting is my favorite pastime. [ ]I'm depressed 95% of the time. [ ]Anti-social is my middle name. [ ]I think about death like it's going out of style. [x]Fall out boy & panic! at the disco = love. [x]Hugs not drugs Total: 2
GOTHIC: [ ] Gothic isn't about chains & hot topic, it's about seeing the beauty in things. [ ] I like chains & hot topic anyway though. [ ] I wear big black boots, so I can stomp on your face. [ ] My pants could fit 10 of me. [ ] I live at the mall on Friday nights. [ ] I put powder on my face. [x] Black is a terrific color. [ ] Along with my big pants & boots, I love fishnets! Total: 1
PUNK: [ ] I can't even count up to the number of rules I've broken. [ ] I live life to fullest, no matter what the consequences. [x] I'm always having a good time, because I don't give a fuck! [ ] I couldn't give 2 shits what I'm wearing or what I look like. [ ] Oh & what people think about me. [x] Life’s too short to take things seriously. [x] I swear so much if I was on TV it'd be nothing but one big BLEEEEP. [ ] The theme song for the show Cops, is MY theme song. Total: 3
GANGSTA: [ ]I'm black, puerto rican, dominican, cuban, etc. [ ] (boys) I wear my pants at knees. [ ] I wear my pants so tight they might rip if I move too much. [ ] I have a huge apple bottom. [ ] I wear hella ice, but it's all fake. [ ] Basically everyone on BET are my idols. [ ] Rock is wack on the real nigga yo. [ ] Life is about sex & money. Total: 0
GHETTO: [ ]I watch TV through my neighbor's window because I don't have my own. [ ]I measure things with brooms, sticks etc. cause I have no measuring tape. [ ]I wear pajamas in public all the time. [ ]I don't take shit from nobody. [ ]I'm loud as hell & I love it. [ ]I'm proud of where I came from. [ ]I'm on my corner all the time w/ my bitches. [ ]School doesn’t mean shit to me. Total: 0
DANCER: [ ]I don't really listen to music, I dance to it. [ ]I love shows like so you think you can dance & dancing with the stars. [x]I don't care if I dance well. I do it cause I love it. [ ]Dancing is how I express myself. [ ]I take or have taken dance classes. [ ]My favorite type of dance is hip hop or break dancing. [ ]I know how to krump. [ ]Dancing is just something I do at the clubs. Total: 1
PREP: [ ]I love hco, a&f, aero, ae, old navy etc. [x] Spending my parent’s money is what I do best. [ ]I am addicted to laguna beach, the hills or the oc. [ ]I have long, fake (acryllic) nails. [ ]I have extensions. [ ]I'm so tan I forget what I really look like sometimes. [ ]I love california & paris hilton. [ ]Ripped jeans, polos, big sunglasses, pearls & flip flops is how I roll. Total: 1
VINTAGE: [x]I like ratty stores that no one really shops at. [ ]I wear a lot of my moms' stuff from the 80s. [ ]I in fact love the 80s. [x]I know vintage isn't just fake pearls & ripped jeans. [x]I love flannel button up shirts. [x]I'm a modern hippie. [ ]I actually don't wear what everyone else is wearing. Total: 3
NOTHING: [x]It’s too hard to label me cause I'm a little of everything. [x]I don't really care what's in, if something's cute I'll wear it. [ ]I don't try to look like girls in these magazines. [ ]People care too much & try too hard. [ ]Life is wasted on living. [ ]I've always wanted to know why people care so much & don't just live life? [ ]I miss the good ole days when my mom used to dress me. Total: 2
last night i cheated on my boyfriend. i don't regret it. just plain sex, no feelings or what ever, we were just horny xD it was great even though he's not that gentle and actually he's an absolute asshole. i don't know why i always fall for him but i don't really care :) we were in his apartment which is completely empty by now because he moved to another city for studying and is only here for the weekends and his mother and sister moved out then. so we fucked on the floor f his former living room^^ i scratched his whole back. sorry for that. call me whore but i can't wait for my boyfriend now :) i am sick.
i want to be as flat as her. 
i so badly want to be this >.<
